EP 113: Embracing Fear with Brad Axelrad
Introduction:
Join us as Brad discusses facing fears, unleashing your potential. Stay tuned for an inspiring and informative episode of the DYB Podcast!
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TRANSCRIPTION:
00:00.00
dybsteve
Welcome to the DYB podcast where doubling your business is easier than most people realize for over a decade Brad’s been an event producer consultant strategist and podcast hostst having produced over one ah hundred and fifty live events with top leaders and bestselling authors. As a consultant and speaker. He utilizes his message to support entrepreneurs helping them to create the business that sets them free to live a life of fulfillment on his face your dragons podcast he interviews celebrities thought leaders and icons such as Don Miguel Ruse Ariel Ford and the hilarious Jp. Sears Brad’s been featured on numerous media outlets including Nbc Nightly news Pbs television oc register l a times usc news and Cbc News Canada brad axelrad welcome to the show. My friend my pleasure.
00:51.60
Brad Axelrad
And super honored to be here. Thanks for having me.
00:57.75
dybsteve
How did you get into this work.
00:58.54
Brad Axelrad
But when we were just talking before we got live here and we were recording. Typically what? what Well what got me into this work was massive pain. It’s the it’s the childhood stuff that we all have whether we want to believe it or not. You know I had a conversation yesterday on another podcast I’ve done about ten this week and ah the conversation was really around how some of us think we had the perfect childhood and that we some of us definitely had better childhoods than others no doubt. Um, but I got into the work.
01:26.40
dybsteve
Um.
01:32.79
Brad Axelrad
Because it was time for serious change time to really feel connected to myself to feel more at peace to experience more joy and more freedom and and that got me into into the work and it started with Tony Robbins and night in 2000 but but the deep work that really got me was in 2003 at the hoffman process. It’s the hoffmaninstitute dot org and that’s the deepest work I know on the planet and that that sort of opened me up to wanting to really be in this work because I knew this work was really going to help save the planet and save people and and support. Support. People’s hearts back to wholeness. It’s a short answer.
02:12.54
dybsteve
Um, okay, okay, well in that deep work. What what fears did you have to face.
02:18.25
Brad Axelrad
Well the thing about the hoffman process is you do about 20 hours of pre-work before you go in. So for example, what’s your relationship to mom to dad to money to work to sex to drugs to alcohol to your brother.
02:24.11
dybsteve
You.
02:35.35
Brad Axelrad
Tell us about an experience you had with this with that with that. So by the time you go in there anything that you had before that day that you stepped into the process is fully up and alive for you to face and so I had lots of things to face then I’ve worked through a lot of them. But my biggest fear believe it or not. Is the number 1 fear on the planet and that’s the fear of public speaking even though I’ve done it 300 times plus I’ve produced over 200 live events I’ve been interviewed on a hundred podcasts and things and there’s still a little bit of fear there. But what we’ll talk about today is it’s not fear. It’s really excitement without the breath.
02:58.95
dybsteve
Um.
03:14.33
Brad Axelrad
That’s ah, Fritz pearls and founder of Gestalt Therapy says that fear is excitement without the breath but we can dive more into that.
03:20.32
dybsteve
Um, yeah, absolutely so well let me let’s just get right to it. What is it to face your dragons.
03:28.80
Brad Axelrad
So people will say brad how do you help people face your dragon and I say I help them start or grow a business and as a business owner. Whoever’s watching this probably business owners and do yourself ah when we when we step fully into that. All of our things surface right. We may be really good technicians. We might be a good painter. A good mechanic, a good ah hairstylist. But when we go out on our own I think of Michael Gerber that I’ve interviewed before the number one bestselling book of all business book of all time e myth you guys may have read it or are very familiar with it.
03:59.95
dybsteve
Um, oh yeah.
04:03.94
Brad Axelrad
Back in 2010 I had Michael Lead a panel a strategy panel and anyway, so so we’re really good at we’re really good technicians and when we jump into the business world. We’ve got people and and systems and marketing and and other people out in the world. So so there’s just many more layers to it. So. About facing your dragon in business is really understanding that when we lean in and experience fear. It’s totally normal fear is completely normal as Don Mcguelra we said on guest number 1 in the podcast face your dragon fear is completely normal. We want to use it to our advantage. And when we face our dragon. We learn to actually become friends with it and leverage that energy and do our great work in the world. Whatever it is.
04:46.60
dybsteve
Can you give me some examples.
04:49.47
Brad Axelrad
So just the public. Speaking example is a perfect one. So it’s completely set me free I live currently in Mexico in a beautiful area yachts golf courses. All the things I’m able to live and work from anywhere because I’m here facing my fear of public speaking. Public speaking is the number 1 highest paid thing on the planet over anything and you’ll get the most opportunity from speaking sharing your message as a leader being effective in communication from a stage or on Zoom or wherever we are now. Ah zencast. And there’s just great opportunity in doing what we’re most afraid of facing what we’re most resisting and most afraid of will set us free. It’s our moneymaker. Our gift to humanity and our purpose on the planet.
05:34.31
dybsteve
Um, how does somebody muster up the courage or action to to face their fear.
05:41.23
Brad Axelrad
Well, ah, that’s a good question courage is everything right? So having the courage first of all, it’s finding it so oftentimes. There’s this sort of looming fear and we’re not exactly sure what it is. There’s just as Robin Williams said this little ark. And we don’t know what it is but it’s there. It’s lurking. So first of all having the courage to actually ask yourself. What is it that I’m actually feeling and peeling the layers back from well I feel uncomfortable. Okay, great. Thank you? So what? What is uncomfortable feel like well I feel something in my throat.
05:59.62
dybsteve
Um.
06:16.27
Brad Axelrad
Okay, great. Thank you where else? do you feel this I feel it in my stomach now I’m noticing noticing some tension. Oh I’m also noticing some thoughts and these thought okay great. What are the thoughts saying so we want to keep peeling the layers back to get awareness around what the actual experience is. Not just some blanket statement of I’m uncomfortable. There’s no workability if we just say we’re uncomfortable. We want to dig a little deeper and try to name it so finding it naming. It is sort of the second step and then we want to use it. We want to learn that whatever it is that energy that’s being produced.
06:44.23
dybsteve
No.
06:51.65
Brad Axelrad
All these chemicals in in this pharmacy we have in our brain. That’s the best pharmacy on the planet we can now use adrenaline. We can use cortisol we can use the fare to to get us excited and and launch into the world.
07:06.54
dybsteve
Okay, let’s use a real world example like sales moreover asking for the sale right? So you’re there. Ah, you’re with your prospect. You’ve laid out the proposal answered all the questions.
07:11.37
Brad Axelrad
Yeah.
07:20.72
dybsteve
But it’s a big deal for somebody to get to the point where they can ask for the sale may I have the job right.
07:27.41
Brad Axelrad
Yeah, it is and I have sympathy and empathy for for that I’ve been in sales for years Been a long time. We’re always all in sales as entrepreneurs at some level and and our lives are all about enrolling someone in what we’re up to so.
07:45.13
dybsteve
Um.
07:45.81
Brad Axelrad
So asking for the sale is I Really think it depends dependent on your come from and what I mean by that is are are you trying to get somebody from from ah from get something from Somebody. Or are you there to actually serve them as a consultant using consultative sales and do you sincerely care enough about what you’re selling or are you just trying to get the sale so you can go drink beer and watch the ballgame after like what’s your come from. Is there a sincere care for this Person. You’re across From. Connecting with them genuinely slowing down slowing your breath down communing with them in a way that they’re feeling your presence and your care and when we slow down enough. What’s that saying people don’t care how much you know they only know how much you care.
08:38.66
dybsteve
Um.
08:39.10
Brad Axelrad
So if you can slow down enough to sincerely care and then ask for the sale then of course exposure therapy meeting. Whatever you’re resisting and afraid of exposing yourself to it is going to be going to be the best practice and of course practice practice practice.
08:52.56
dybsteve
By exposing you mean peel back the layers of what are the fears of asking for the sale.
08:57.41
Brad Axelrad
Good question. What I meant by exposure therapy. It’s ah it’s a term like therapy and psychology that if if we have a fear of heights we should expose ourselves to heights if we have a fair public speaking we should. So yeah, so so just practice practice practice is another way to to say that.
09:11.26
dybsteve
Um.
09:15.51
dybsteve
Get your reps in. Okay and then how about those who are uncomfortable networking they want to get out and develop their local business. They want to get out their network. Ah but it’s just you know.
09:15.93
Brad Axelrad
Yeah, yep.
09:25.11
Brad Axelrad
Yeah, yeah.
09:29.87
dybsteve
Fear of getting out there and networking and meeting and engaging and and and not wanting to be pitched at the whole time and and such.
09:36.66
Brad Axelrad
But look I used to hate that too and it’s really uncomfortable. The reason why I’m saying that and starting it off with that is some networking events are structured in a way that people are in a place of giving and receiving instead of being pushed on and sold again back to the caring and sincerely. Networking in a way that you’re a go giver. Not a go Getter. We want to be in a place of focusing on how can we serve the person in front of us. Not how can I get what I need from them. So a lot of the events I used to produce were conscious business networking Events. We bring entrepreneurs together.
09:58.12
dybsteve
So.
10:13.77
Brad Axelrad
Help them get what they needed next. So but there’s a different style of networking and it’s hard to find sometimes it’s out there. Maybe you can find the style of networking. Um, first of all I would be more curious and be more interested than instead of interesting be sincerely curious.
10:29.40
dybsteve
No.
10:33.30
Brad Axelrad
And care about what this person’s doing and think in your head who do you know that you can connect them to be in be in value and be a giver first instead of trying to get if you can make that switch from really active listening and sincerely deep listening to them. You might have met Susie q or Joe on the other side of the room and they do what they’re looking for what they need next and you immediately get Susie and you connect them together. There’s great value in sharing what you do and then sharing what you need next. So what I do. Is I run a transformational leadership company called face your dragon we train leaders to face their fear and create great work in the world or whatever I would say right? and what I’m looking for next are individuals who are curious to take their business to the next level but they feel stuck somewhere who do you know? so.
11:16.41
dybsteve
Um.
11:27.10
Brad Axelrad
Getting your elevator pitched down in a way that feels inclusive and then if you can almost teach others by practicing that it creates a different flow does that make sense cool.
11:34.70
dybsteve
Yeah, it does Absolutely thank you What? What are some of the most common fears that you help people through.
11:44.54
Brad Axelrad
Yeah, so after having produced hundreds of live events and working with thousands of people throughout the years you know 8 figure businesses down to startup businesses that ah Suzy wants to be a life coach like all the whole range of businesses. And I was just the Ceo of the independent national convention the political party and in Austin Texas that was an interesting foray into politics. So I’ve been all over the spectrum and working with different levels of of high performers down to people scared out out of their wits to start a business no matter the level of their success. I’ve found that most of us including me and maybe you along your path even though you’ve had a big exit. You’ve done great for yourself. I’m guessing along the way you’ve stumbled into one of these 5 fears or what I call dragons. So I’ll just go through all five first and then we can maybe dive in if you want cool.
12:34.30
dybsteve
No.
12:37.56
Brad Axelrad
So Impostor Scarcity Value unheard and critics. So when we’re getting started at something impostor who am I to do this I I feel so new to this I’m going to be found out as an imposter of fraud. Anytime we start something New. We have that experience or or are presenting something New. Maybe a new product line or maybe a new offer whatever it may be your subscription model. Whatever it is. It’s New. There’s There’s a little bit of oh gosh I’ve never worked in internet marketing this much who am I to sell this product. So.
13:05.87
dybsteve
Um.
13:13.71
Brad Axelrad
And post or fraud. That’s the first one you want me to keep going.
13:16.84
dybsteve
Yeah, so releaating this Thank you relating this back to the audience which should we payny contractors for them. It might be ah you know going into a higher end neighborhood who am I right to go in there am I good enough to have a driver provide.
13:27.34
Brad Axelrad
In.
13:30.00
dybsteve
An excellent service to be able to service a clientele who expects excellence right.
13:34.25
Brad Axelrad
That that makes perfect sense. So right? So anytime we step up in life or up level in life. We’re gonna We’re gonna bump into the imposter syndrome a little bit totally normal.
13:44.65
dybsteve
Yeah, indeed, how about ah what was the fifth one criticism Rudix. Yes.
13:50.88
Brad Axelrad
Critics. Yeah so critics so many layers to this one. So basically that if you do achieve the dream or build a business. You’ve desired family might criticize you or even before that who are you to be an entrepreneur. You’re just a painter.
14:05.40
dybsteve
In.
14:07.15
Brad Axelrad
You know, stay stay being a painter. You’re a good technician as a painter you know this can come from parents or the wife or the husband or whatever it is all the people in our lives family friends stay in your lane. You know don’t don’t build this big business stay focused on what you’re good at so we get criticized there to keep us sort of.
14:24.34
dybsteve
Um, oh yeah.
14:26.44
Brad Axelrad
Stuckck typically from family and as gay hendris talks about in guest number 2 on the facecier dragon podcast. We don’t want to outshine others potentially because then we could get criticized our family. We don’t want to. We don’t want to become bigger and better than someone in our family or our peer group because then they might be like hey you’re not hanging out.
14:45.20
dybsteve
You know.
14:45.48
Brad Axelrad
Drink and beer with us anymore. What do you think you’re better than us. So there’s some of these layers that we bump into kind of psychologically and in our in our tribe and belongings the number 1 driver of humans. So if we start pressing into that u oh I’m not going to belong to my to my little tribe here. It’s going to create a lot of.
15:01.89
dybsteve
Me in type.
15:04.10
Brad Axelrad
Discomfort in us. Yeah, the other layer to that is that your personal life might suffer you build an 8 figure painting company and you’re so busy and so effective at what you do and yet you’re completely busy and you’re you’re fully focused on your business to the point where you’re not present with other. People in your family. You lose you lose the connection with your wife with your kids whatever it may be. We’re gonna get criticized there. This all starts into this snowball of self-criticism and then we start criticizing ourselves. The other layer is that we might build a business that that.
15:30.29
dybsteve
Um.
15:40.17
Brad Axelrad
Boxes us in a corner and doesn’t set us free. We start criticizing ourselves for not building the business right with the right systems beginning with the end in mind we build it incorrectly and then we’re trapped in our business model.
15:50.84
dybsteve
Right on this is great now circle back. What was the second third and fourth one
15:58.94
Brad Axelrad
Scarcity Value unheard. Yeah so so scarcity again, you start a new business you push off into a new endeavor.
15:59.25
dybsteve
Okay, let’s unpack those please scarcity.
16:10.94
Brad Axelrad
You’re you’re thinking you’re going to get you know 30 sales the first month and and and you’re afraid that you’re not going to get those or you need to hit 30 sales to break. Even you’ve got overhead. You’ve got all your team. Whatever it may be your systems and you you dip into the scarcity.
16:12.47
dybsteve
Something.
16:19.43
dybsteve
Um, money.
16:27.25
Brad Axelrad
Like oh my gosh should I do this should I take the leap and try to set myself free and start my own business should I stay as my own painer. Whatever it may be. We’re afraid we’re not going to get enough revenue So we we we make. Ah we we have thoughts and take actions out of that scarcity.
16:33.12
dybsteve
Without.
16:46.29
Brad Axelrad
And they may not be the right ones for your business you might lower your prices you might get in a price war with the guy across the street who’s handing out more flyers. Whatever it may be that level of scarcity is always going to be there at some level until we just.
16:55.48
dybsteve
Me.
17:02.94
Brad Axelrad
Experience Abundance and find gratitude and just and just keep stepping in.
17:05.94
dybsteve
And realized that the marketplace is bigger than all of us together right? Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah.
17:11.57
Brad Axelrad
It’s also true. There’s so much work out there now we have the inner webs to market. You know we used to just have doorknocking right and hanging signs on things I used to drill signs on polls back in the day when I had had a business at 19 Um, yep.
17:23.46
dybsteve
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, ah, third one was it emotional um value You Thank you.
17:29.49
Brad Axelrad
No value value. So so we don’t value can show up in a lot of places we places we may not charge what we should. That’s that’s really what it is We we lower our fees to to get the sales. We’re not owning our value. We’re not recognizing that we’re.
17:37.19
dybsteve
And yeah.
17:47.11
Brad Axelrad
Divine emanations of god we’re whole and complete and beautiful as we are. We don’t value ourselves again back to the childhood stuff that I’d mentioned early on a lot of these patterns come from childhood programming mommy or Daddy that’s really where they come from the hoffman process goes in and ferrets them out and you really. Really learn to love these and that’s what I want to say that’s super important with all that we’re talking about today. We want to learn to love our impostor. We want to learn to love our scarcity. We want to learn to love our fear the more we resist it the more it shows up so we want to just take a breath. We want to breathe. We want to? we want to recognize our value.
18:17.41
dybsteve
You.
18:24.67
Brad Axelrad
And appreciate critics if we weren’t sticking our neck out these people wouldn’t be squawking at us. So we’re doing the right thing unheard. So so what if I you know a lot of these are really focused more towards who I work with and that’s entrepreneurs that are sharing a message in the with the world.
18:30.22
dybsteve
Right on. Thank you number 4
18:41.98
dybsteve
No one.
18:44.80
Brad Axelrad
But they do work with most on entrepreneurpres. Um, what if I even in a sales presentation like you asked earlier like we could be sitting across the table from a big you know opportunity a big commercial painting job and you’re you’ve got 10 the whole board sitting there and you’re pitching this day right? and you’ve been there.
18:57.94
dybsteve
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
19:03.61
Brad Axelrad
And so I and and you’re doing your your shtick. You’re You’re super excited and you you feel confident and you you faced all these dragons and you’re there and you you present the number and it just goes silent. You’re like oh my God So yeah, that’s that’s a big part of it. But.
19:14.33
dybsteve
The hip.
19:21.23
Brad Axelrad
Yeah, so just that people won’t understand you or get you and you’re sharing what you share in your marketing. You know we got to face all these fears A lot of people have a fear getting on camera we need to do that in our marketing now I think it’s ah it’s important to face these and learn to love them.
19:23.87
dybsteve
Name. You. Right? on? Fantastic Brad. We’ve have delivered a ton of value here in a short amount of time. Is there a question I should have asked or final point you’d like to make before we let you catch your flight today.
19:38.82
Brad Axelrad
Called.
19:45.98
Brad Axelrad
Yeah I appreciate that I set up running around sweaty from from getting making it here. Um yeah, just ah, look. It’s okay to feel fear I think that’s the biggest thing it’s it’s it’s okay as man I’m assuming the how much was this probably 80% men on air. Maybe I’m being with such and.
19:52.23
dybsteve
Correct you might.
20:01.74
dybsteve
Yeah, he no yeah, likely like.
20:04.68
Brad Axelrad
Know likely so look gentlemen like it’s okay to show weakness sometimes and you know it’s we need to be strong of course but it’s also okay to express with our inner circle our trusted our trusted boards whoever those may be.
20:21.21
dybsteve
You know.
20:23.50
Brad Axelrad
To to be vulnerable and take the mask off you know we we need that as men we suffer so much if we if we hold all this in and we we try to be strong and we’ll just distract orself with drugs or alcohol or other things that don’t serve our higher purpose. Whatever that may be building your business serving your family. You know serving at the church. Whatever it is these things get in the way if if we don’t learn to to fully own them and name them and communicate them so that others have the courage enough to hear us sure they might tease you a little bit look.. It’s fun.
20:43.80
dybsteve
No you.
21:00.77
Brad Axelrad
But we need to be courageous in our sharing. That’s what I think.
21:01.64
dybsteve
Right? on? Fantastic! Thank you Brad if somebody wanted to follow up. What’s the best way they should reach out.
21:06.52
Brad Axelrad
Yeah faceurd dragon.com you can check out all the cool podcasts of these celebrity thought leaders like J P Sears and Ariel Ford who was deepak chopra’s publicist back in the day just a bunch of great people on there and you can take a quiz to discover the number 1 hidden fear stopping you from earning what you’re worth It’s on the website or you can just go straight to couragequiz.com can find me all over social media just brad axelrad but facecier dragons a good spot to to start? Yeah Thank you so much.
21:32.63
dybsteve
Fantastic! Thanks again. Brad appreciate it very much.