How to Work With Your Spouse Effectively and Enjoyably in 9 Steps

DYB Podcast EP82 How to Work With Your Spouse Effectively and Enjoyably in 9 Steps

SUMMARY:

Working with your spouse can be challenging, but in this episode of the DYB Podcast, April and I bring you 9 Steps to Working With Your Spouse, Effectively and Enjoyably.

First, we start with a confession of needing marriage counseling ourselves and how that changed our marriage for the better and how you can, too!

Then we lay the foundation and end with the best tools we have found, so far.

Whether you are married or not, we will share relatable stories and easy to use tools for growth in your relationships and team members.

WHAT YOU’LL LEARN:

  • How our struggles in marriage led to learning great tools
  • How you can communicate with your spouse even better
  • Key questions for personal growth and happiness in your marriage and life
  • Specific steps you can take to make your marriage to the next level
  • If you’re not married, what to look for before you consider saying, “I do!”

LISTEN HERE:

QUOTES:

0:47 “Let’s say on a scale of 1 to 10, your expectation was a five. That’s what it was (in your marriage) before. Let’s just say. And so I was coming in this marriage with an expectation of 10, and let’s just say it was a seven. So you were super happy. You were stoked. And I was like, (deflated), “Wow. Yeah.” So we decided to go to marriage counseling.”

2:18 “How you can have a thriving marriage, a great marriage. Okay, this is possible. We just have these tools that we need to use. And so we want to share these with you guys. Not because–and this is why, well, one of the reasons why, it’s taken us so long to produce this podcast is because for me, a fear of ‘listen to this podcast because we’ve got it all together and this is perfect and this is what you should do, too’. But rather, this is what worked for us and if it can at all help you guys, we want to share that to help other marriages. Or even if you’re not married, this would be a great podcast to listen to if you’re not married so that, you know, when you are thinking that direction, what you can use and some tools and things you need to think about before you get married…”

8:12 “What we’re missing in the world today is understanding. That doesn’t mean that you agree with the other person, but you can see where they’re coming from and you can have empathy. Again, it doesn’t mean that you agree with them, but you can understand where they’re coming from.”

15:51 “It’s not fair to expect something if we haven’t discussed it or had an agreement first. (In) so many sitcoms, you see the wife is like, “Well, you should know what I want. I shouldn’t have to tell you.” I just, I don’t understand that –that’s not logical. It doesn’t make any sense.”

17:22 “So extreme ownership, taking ownership, even when it wasn’t something that was in your control. If you just blame it on someone else and say, “No, I’m a victim of this circumstance or of this person doing this.” You’ve given all the power away, but taking back ownership saying, “No, what could I have done differently? How did I contribute to this? I own this. How can I change it?” That shifts you from a victim and this marriage will never get better mentality to, wow. We can do this. Let’s figure out how this works. Let’s do this. It’s so powerful.”

HIGHLIGHTS

4:27 Step 1: Supporting the Mission

7:43 Step 2: Knowing Personality Types & Languages of Appreciation

13:55 Step 3: Expectations vs. Agreements (Steve Chandler)

15:56 Step 4: Ownership vs. Victim (Mentality)

19:22 Step 5: The List of ____ 🙂

21:41 Step 6: Foregoing This

23:49 Step 7: Empty This

27:44 Step 8: Four Tools

43:28 Step 9: The Golden Question

LINKS & RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

Steve Chandler

Jacko Willink Extreme Ownership

Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs

ADDITIONAL FREE RESOURCES:

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About the Author

As many of you know, my journey has been one of grit, grace, and transformation. At 19, I was a high school dropout, single father, and struggling paint contractor in Michigan. I later moved to Florida, where I faced both personal and professional hardships. With nothing left to lose, I turned to prayer—and was blessed with a relentless hunger to learn. I devoured books, attended seminars, and discovered better ways to streamline and grow my business—even through the Great Recession (and yes, I did hit the wife lottery along the way!). In 2014, I published How To Double Your Business and later sold the painting business, launching a new chapter: coaching others to grow their businesses. For the past 10 years, I’ve dedicated myself to helping business owners scale through the DYB System, while also drawing from frameworks like EOS, Scaling Up, and The Four Disciplines of Execution. Yet something was still missing—something more adaptive, integrated, and complete. Then I found Pinnacle. After months of research and interviews with other Guides, I joined Pinnacle. Their tools and strategies have exceeded every expectation. Now, as a Pinnacle Business Guide, I help leadership teams implement a custom-tailored operating system that draws from the best in the industry—but flexes with your unique business. It’s a dynamic, proven approach to achieve clarity, momentum, and lasting growth. I’m no longer taking on any more 1:1 coaching clients… Instead, I now specialize in working with visionary business owners who are ready to get their leadership teams aligned—around a clear vision, a focused strategy, and an actionable execution plan. With the tools and process I now have as a Pinnacle Business Guide, I help turn alignment into momentum, and momentum into results. If your business is growing—but your leadership team isn’t fully rowing in the same direction—let’s talk.

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