How to Work With Your Spouse Effectively and Enjoyably in 9 Steps

DYB Podcast EP82 How to Work With Your Spouse Effectively and Enjoyably in 9 Steps


Working with your spouse can be challenging, but in this episode of the DYB Podcast, April and I bring you 9 Steps to Working With Your Spouse, Effectively and Enjoyably.

First, we start with a confession of needing marriage counseling ourselves and how that changed our marriage for the better and how you can, too!

Then we lay the foundation and end with the best tools we have found, so far.

Whether you are married or not, we will share relatable stories and easy to use tools for growth in your relationships and team members.


  • How our struggles in marriage led to learning great tools
  • How you can communicate with your spouse even better
  • Key questions for personal growth and happiness in your marriage and life
  • Specific steps you can take to make your marriage to the next level
  • If you’re not married, what to look for before you consider saying, “I do!”



0:47 “Let’s say on a scale of 1 to 10, your expectation was a five. That’s what it was (in your marriage) before. Let’s just say. And so I was coming in this marriage with an expectation of 10, and let’s just say it was a seven. So you were super happy. You were stoked. And I was like, (deflated), “Wow. Yeah.” So we decided to go to marriage counseling.”

2:18 “How you can have a thriving marriage, a great marriage. Okay, this is possible. We just have these tools that we need to use. And so we want to share these with you guys. Not because–and this is why, well, one of the reasons why, it’s taken us so long to produce this podcast is because for me, a fear of ‘listen to this podcast because we’ve got it all together and this is perfect and this is what you should do, too’. But rather, this is what worked for us and if it can at all help you guys, we want to share that to help other marriages. Or even if you’re not married, this would be a great podcast to listen to if you’re not married so that, you know, when you are thinking that direction, what you can use and some tools and things you need to think about before you get married…”

8:12 “What we’re missing in the world today is understanding. That doesn’t mean that you agree with the other person, but you can see where they’re coming from and you can have empathy. Again, it doesn’t mean that you agree with them, but you can understand where they’re coming from.”

15:51 “It’s not fair to expect something if we haven’t discussed it or had an agreement first. (In) so many sitcoms, you see the wife is like, “Well, you should know what I want. I shouldn’t have to tell you.” I just, I don’t understand that –that’s not logical. It doesn’t make any sense.”

17:22 “So extreme ownership, taking ownership, even when it wasn’t something that was in your control. If you just blame it on someone else and say, “No, I’m a victim of this circumstance or of this person doing this.” You’ve given all the power away, but taking back ownership saying, “No, what could I have done differently? How did I contribute to this? I own this. How can I change it?” That shifts you from a victim and this marriage will never get better mentality to, wow. We can do this. Let’s figure out how this works. Let’s do this. It’s so powerful.”


4:27 Step 1: Supporting the Mission

7:43 Step 2: Knowing Personality Types & Languages of Appreciation

13:55 Step 3: Expectations vs. Agreements (Steve Chandler)

15:56 Step 4: Ownership vs. Victim (Mentality)

19:22 Step 5: The List of ____ 🙂

21:41 Step 6: Foregoing This

23:49 Step 7: Empty This

27:44 Step 8: Four Tools

43:28 Step 9: The Golden Question


Steve Chandler

Jacko Willink Extreme Ownership

Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs


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About the Author

As a newly single father of two from MI, he struggled to start over as a paint contractor in FL, going door to door. His situation was so bad, even the IRS had mercy on him.

 Feeling completely hopeless, he remembered the story of King Solomon praying for wisdom. Could it be so easy? 

He felt he had absolutely nothing to lose. So, as a bankrupt, divorced, high school dropout, single father of 2 young kids, now living 1250 miles away from all friends and family, started to pray for wisdom.
 And while he continues to wait for the wisdom to arrive, what did come was an insatiable desire to learn and read books… 
Thanks to God for giving him the burning passion to read books, and attend seminars, (oh and winning the wife lottery) he not only cracks the success code and overcomes the struggle, but also streamlines his painting business in less than 3 years, published a how to book, then sold the company. Now he leads a business coaching company for painting contractors so he can help other businesses, like yours, to do the same. Hear more... Or